Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
