you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
