I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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