I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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