Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
