so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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