Cold hands, warm shart.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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