so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
