it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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