On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
