Sry I called you an 8
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
