when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize