I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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