We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
