There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
