How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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