Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
