Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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