I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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