Your mouth is God's brothel.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
