hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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