Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
