Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
