i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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