so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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