Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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