i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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