You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
