she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
