Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she looked like the before picture.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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