Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
FUCK WHALES
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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