I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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