check it out our google latitudes are spooning
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
