I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
