dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
