When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
