I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
