i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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