If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
false alarm. still invincible.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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