Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
