We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's never too late to be topless.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
