I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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