I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
