I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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