i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
