Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
