Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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