I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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