My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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