Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
