This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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