My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
