I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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