He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The power of my boobs compel you
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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