I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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