My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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