The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
