I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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