she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
