His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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