At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
