We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
