just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
