Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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