Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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