btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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