I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
