I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
