At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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