if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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