NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
