Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
