I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
